ARCO's Abolitionists - A Vegan Forum

Well, I've started yet another documentary. This one is on Vegansexuals. It would be great to get some feedback. I've already begun some on-camera interviews.

What would you NOT do with someone who is not vegetarian or vegan?
Would you not date him or her?
Would you not kiss him or her?
Would you not have sex with him or her?
Would you not do anything sexual with them? (I won't get graphic here in case minors or victorian school teachers are lurking)

If you met someone you like, but they are not vegetarian or vegan, how would you let them know how you are, and what options would you offer them if the relationship is to progress?

Oh, and what are your thoughts on using --- or not using --- vegan sex toys?

Do you have any stories to share about finding yourself in any of the above situations, and any advice on how others should handle them?

btw, If anyone is willing to appear on camera for this documentary, please let me know.

I’m happily married to a vegan, so the question doesn’t really apply to me. However, if that unfortunately changed at some point in my life, I would only be interested in someone who was at least initially open-minded about veganism. A closed-minded or negative attitude toward AR and veganism would be a character flaw and an automatic turnoff for me and the relationship would end as immediately as I detected such an attitude.

As for dating, I’d give an open-minded non-vegan a short chance to come around, but if she didn’t come around relatively quickly (long before anything got “serious”), it wouldn’t work out. There are enough vegan ladies to choose from that vegans like me don’t need to waste time on slow learners.

I agree with mountainvegan, if I met a non-vegan and they wanted to take the relationship further and they seemed fairly open-minded, I would do all I could to educate them and would be inclined to give them a chance. But things would get very difficult very quickly I imagine. There is no way I could have an extended relationship with a non-vegan; the gap in our thinking would be much too vast and there would be no way you could co-exist comfortably with them.

For a while I was totally vegan sexual, but I now have one exception to that rule (they were formerly vegan, not that it matters). I could never be in a relationship with someone who wasn't vegan.

david wrote:the gap in our thinking would be much too vast and there would be no way you could co-exist comfortably with them.

This statement is prophetic in my situation. I've been with my husband far longer than I've been vegan. But, he's gone through my evolution with and has not evolved; he's made changes in eating habits my default. It hurts at my core to see non-human flesh & secretions in my home so it's easier for him to forego his "preferences" rather than to "get me started" (an expression I abhor). Then there's always the fights about the cruelty-free products I buy that are more expensive than tested one. So, I don't know if David knows how much he hit this issue on the head.

In answer to the original post, I can say with absolute certainty:

1-No, I would not date a non-vegan were I not married;

2-Unless he were really hot and it was just a physical thing, sex would probably be okay. But I couldn't have a relationship with anyone I had no respect (and maybe a revulsion) for.

3-Vegan sex toys? Sure.

Same here as most others. I recently found a wonderful abolitionist vegan w/whom to share my life, so I don't have to think about this anymore, but if he weren't in my life, I wouldn't want much of a relationship with any non-vegan. After I turned vegan a couple of years ago, I did continue longterm relationships w/two non-vegans, sporadically. But I grew away from both of them, and found myself pretty solitary for awhile.

Since I'm no longer in my twenties or thirties, I'm less inclined to get all excited by someone based on physical attractiveness. If I were really blown away, maybe I could imagine kissing a non-vegan, but that's about it. He'd have to get with the vegan revolution for any further interest on my part.

Don't know about vegan sex toys, but one of the wonderful things my boyfriend did was to find and order vegan condoms & lube right away! What a guy!

I am a vegansexual. Actually, I'm an aesexual. But when I had lovers, they were ALL vegan. If they were not vegan when we met, and they wanted to be intimate with me, they had to grasp the vegan concept. End of story. I am not attracted to those who impose suffering on other beings. Beside, I would find it repulsive.

I did an online survey over a year ago.

Two of the questions pertained to this topic. You can find lots of vegan's responses to this question. It seemed like long time vegans felt more like they had to be with vegan lovers, while beginner vegans did not.
But there were a variety of repsonses and reasoning.
Here are the links to their responses:

http://www.veganpoet.com/SurveyResults/ ... vegan.html
http://www.veganpoet.com/SurveyResults/ ... egans.html

I would say I am a vegansexual except for the fact that I am with a vegetarian. He went veg after he met me, but still has yet to go vegan. It is always a point of stress in our relationship, but I'm working with him.

After the first ten years of being with non-vegans, now that I'm married to a vegan, I know that I am definitely a vegansexual!

Congratulations, Desert Girl!